When I work with a family or a family business mired in conflict, we always begin with the same question: How did we get here? The answer is often complicated, but invariably, we end up examining the culture of the family to see how it supports (or doesn’t support) the family’s ability to resolve conflicts in a way that keeps them closely bonded. 

Mistakes and failures are accepted and a normal part of learning in an unconditional family culture. This is not only important in young families, but equally important in adult families and family businesses. In the scenario below, the family uses this difficult situation as a method of reframing failure and as an opportunity to connect in loving and supportive ways with one another.

I have worked with a wide array of families in conflict over the past three decades and I have discovered one critical component: many do not truly understand the difference between conditional and unconditional parenting. In my experience, parents who are conditional do not believe they are.